Post-Traumatic Growth — Ash Phommasa

Content warning: This blog covers traumatic material in relation to resilience and recovery. Please take care of yourself and make sure you are in a strong, grounded state when reading this. Choose which sections to read based upon your own preference and digest it slowly if needed. There are three sections: 1) An introduction with a personal story on interpersonal violence, 2) Definitions and misconceptions of trauma, and 3) How to heal. If you have recently faced a traumatic event, please feel free to skip to the last section and focus on your journey of healing.

Click through the sections below to read the paper.

• Introduction: A Personal Story

  Content warning: This section presents a poem on interpersonal violence.

  I am alone in a room with him.

  There is a flash of rage behind his eyes,

  And that’s all it takes.

  He swipes everything off the desk and throws it.

  He pushes the dining table onto its side.

  He curses in a frenzy, punching the wall.

  The room is closing in on us.

  I think to myself: at any moment,

  He can turn his rage onto me instead.

  I can become his target.

  The next day, while walking to class, I suddenly forget how to breathe. I’m hyperventilating —frozen in place because I thought I saw him from afar. My brain shuts down.

  … I lift my eyes from my desk and scan my surroundings with confusion. How did I get to class? The TA has been teaching a lesson, but I can’t focus. All I see are flashbacks. All I hear is his yelling. All I feel is danger, fear, panic. It’s like I’m back in that room even though I’m sitting here in class. My heart is pumping erratically. I can’t breathe. I can’t speak. I am hyper focused on the thumping in my ears and the wave of panic flooding my thoughts, “He’s going to see you. He’s going to find you. He’s here. He’s there. No, you can’t go there. That’s his favorite restaurant. He goes to the gym everyday. Don’t go there. Don’t hang out with that person. That’s his roommate. Don’t go anywhere. Don’t do anything —stay safe.”

  When class is over, I move towards the door but can’t seem to make the entire trip there. I’m standing in the middle of the classroom as everyone files out one by one. Through the doorway, I can see the sun beaming over the garden hill. My favorite spot on campus. It’s just a few footsteps away, but it’s not enticing me. It scares me. I realize that I’m scared of being outside. I need help. Feeling extremely exhausted, I find my way back to a chair and try to breathe. With fumbled words, I ask if the TA can help me. He sits down next to me, and I admit: “I can’t leave this room because I’m afraid of going outside. I’m afraid someone’s out there.” I relay the entire event to him, explaining how one of my biggest triggers is seeing anyone who resembles him in public. It takes a long time for me to talk through it. I’m scared of getting reported, and I’m scared of what will happen if the offender gets in trouble —but I know that I can’t continue living like this because I’m not living at all. I continue saying, “I don’t understand. What happened was nothing, and yet it’s debilitating. I can’t even function properly. ”

  To this the TA replies, “I’m sincerely concerned about your well-being and safety… You know, people tend to have this extreme definition of trauma, like going to the war and losing a limb, but…you’re experiencing triggers too. You’re nonfunctional when you see people that even slightly resemble him. You’re having flashbacks. You’re scared. It might help to consider the fact that trauma is subjective, and it might just be what you’re experiencing.”

  I was dumbfounded. Trauma? I never considered it because I myself always thought of it as an extreme, as a diagnosis for veterans and first responders who have suffered the most impossible circumstances. This realization is why I share this story with you. It was a huge turning point for me. And so I beg the question: What is trauma, and how do we recover from it?

• What is trauma?

  What makes an event traumatic? The APA Dictionary of Psychology defines trauma as “any disturbing experience that results in significant fear, helplessness, dissociation, confusion, or other disruptive feelings intense enough to have a long-lasting negative effect on a person’s attitudes, behavior, and other aspects of functioning” (American Psychological Association, 2023). This definition implies that trauma is subjective and does not require a uniform definition. It is up to your interpretation and what you feel is what matters.

  Trauma originates from the Greek word for “wound” (τραύμα; Kolaitis & Olff, 2017) and that’s exactly how I would like to look at it: as something that injures us and leaves a scar. In my experience, trauma has been a deep, agonizing wound that scars over but reopens, exposing itself to the world again — coming alive, again and again and again. I feel it every time I talk to someone about what happened: an immediate, physiological reaction where my heart races and my cheeks burn up. It’s also psychological: that fear, that panic, and the tornado of thoughts that make you lose control over what you were saying or doing in real life, in the present moment of class, work or therapy.

  Everyday, in all parts of the world, individuals face extreme adversity: a flood wipes out an entire community, a fire devastates all kinds of life, a school shooting takes young children, a friend dies by suicide, a terminal illness ends your life, a pro-athlete has a career-ending injury, a pandemic creates a sad, lonely world. It is also crucial to consider trauma that people do not associate with direct harm because these challenges still have a significant strain on our ability to keep going – single parents struggling to put food on the table, marginalized communities fighting for their rights, or people suffering in volatile relationships.

  What all of these challenges have in common is a lack of control. We typically do not have direct control over any tragedies that befall us, which means that focusing on the event (what, why, and how it happened) isn’t the best way to heal. In fact, trying to “fix” it by wondering where you went wrong and placing blame on yourself and/or others can delay healing. The truth is that many of these traumatic events are uncontrollable and irreversible. You can’t turn back in time and erase it from ever happening. You can’t go back to the person you were before.

  What you can do is focus on the present and what you want for yourself in the future. Accept that pain, hurt, and powerlessness you felt. Accept your human experience, your authentic human emotion, your valid reactions, and your decision to pave a new path. You were once simply going about your life until you weren’t. You were shaken up badly. A sudden, seismic event—an earthquake, an asteroid—destroyed the path you walked on, and now it’s time to build a new one. It’s time to take what you have endured and say that you are a stronger person for it. It’s easy to succumb to hopelessness, and it’s tough to fight for a way out. But, I know you can do it.

• How do we recover from it?

  At this point, you’re probably done with the flowery language and want real answers on how to heal from trauma. So, let’s get started, shall we? Researchers have been investigating a recent phenomenon known as post-traumatic growth (PTG; Calhoun & Tedeschi, 2014, p. 1): a process of radical positive psychological change in the aftermath of immense struggle and trauma. It is believed that in the face of disaster, people have the opportunity to reassess their goals, their values, and what they find brings the most meaning to their life. People enduring life-threatening circumstances are given the opportunity to confront and reframe their trauma —not only to recover but to flourish like never before.

  In a study by Garbet et al. (2017), ten burn survivors wrote personal diary-type blogs on a regular basis to foster growth. The researchers analyzed the writing of all bloggers and found patterns including a shift in self-perceptions, enhanced relationships, and changed outlooks on life. The most prevalent shift in self perception was the survivors’ feelings of personal strength from overcoming their trauma. Furthermore, another study by Bradt et al. (2019) recruited eleven military service members to attend music therapy and write songs. After analyzing all song lyrics, researchers found a similar pattern with moving forward, enhanced relationships, and positive support. Many service members highlighted the positivity in their relationships after receiving as well as giving support. Lastly, a study conducted by Qian et al. (2021), found expressive writing to facilitate psychological rehabilitation with pregnant women diagnosed with a fetal abnormality that necessitated terminating the pregnancy. The women were able to disclose their experience and express their emotions through writing prompts. Most importantly, positive writing themes expressed benefit finding and future planning. The act of writing in general functions as a self-care coping strategy and has the potential to help survivors find strength and growth early on in their healing journey. All of these factors are associated with PTG (Henson et al., 2021) and inspired the development of these writing prompts which you can utilize once a week.

  Week 1: Reconsideration of the self: Who am I? Amos (2016) found that after facing disaster, people reflect on the event. This leads to an improved understanding of the self and more positive feelings (e.g., patience, strength, confidence, maturity, responsibility, and kindness). Therefore, the question for Week 1 is: Who am I?

  Week 2: Reordering of values: What is important to me? Many people who have endured adverse circumstances experience a more positive self identity. They feel more personal agency as they prioritize their health and carry out behavioral changes (e.g., increasing fitness, practicing safer sex, accessing support for substance abuse). Therefore, the question for Week 2 is: What is important to me?

  Week 3: Redefinition of purpose: Where am I going? A majority of people confronting disaster take on new world views such as focusing on their connections with the earth and the living. The desire to connect with people usually co-occurs with a motive to better oneself and change their direction in life (e.g., acquiring a degree). Therefore, the question for Week 3 is: Where am I going?

  Week 4: Reconstruction Time: How long have I got? Most people experience a greater awareness of life as being finite. They become more appreciative of everything that life has to offer and how precious time is. This leads to higher engagement and mindfulness in one’s day-to-day life. Therefore, the question for Week 4 is: How long have I got?

• References

  American Psychological Association (2023). APA Dictionary of Psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/trauma

  Amos, I. A. (2015). What is known about the post-traumatic growth experiences among people diagnosed with HIV/AIDS? A systematic review and thematic synthesis of the qualitative literature. Counseling Psychology Review, 30(3), 47-56.

  Bradt, J., Biondo, J., & Vaudreuil, R. (2019). Songs created by military service members in music therapy: A retrospective analysis. The Arts in Psychotherapy, 62, 19-27.

  Garbett, K., Harcourt, D., & Buchanan, H. (2017). Using online blogs to explore positive outcomes after burn injuries. Journal of health psychology, 22(13), 1755-1766.

  Henson, C., Truchot, D., & Canevello, A. (2021). What promotes post traumatic growth? A systematic review. European Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 5(4), 100195.

  Kolaitis, G., & Olff, M. (2017). Psychotraumatology in Greece. European journal of psychotraumatology, 8(sup4), 135175. https://doi.org/10.1080/20008198.2017.1351757

  Qian, J., Sun, S., Zhou, X., Wu, M., & Yu, X. (2021). Effects of an expressive writing intervention in Chinese women undergoing pregnancy termination for fetal abnormality: a randomized controlled trial. Midwifery, 103, 103104.

If you are a UCSB student, Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) is  available to help you if you are dealing with personal, family, and/or academic stress or other issues that may be affecting your ability to successfully complete your work. See https://caps.sa.ucsb.edu/ for more information. They can be reached at (805) 893-4411. 

UCSB Campus Advocacy Resources & Education (CARE) provides prevention education and response services for all forms of physical, sexual, and emotional violence - stalking, sexual assault, domestic abuse. Services are free and confidential. CARE is located at the Student Resource Building 1220, http://wgse.sa.ucsb.edu/care/home and can be reached at (805) 805-893-4613. 

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My name is Ash Phommasa (she/her/hers), and I am a fourth year Psychological & Brain Sciences (PBS) Major and Applied Psychology (AP) Minor from Orange County. I am half Lao and half Vietnamese. A huge part of who I am lies within my French bulldog. She is my life and is two years old with all-black fur. She also resembles a very plump ball (like a tapioca ball), so we named her Boba. My sisters and I have an instagram dedicated to her: @wittle.frenchie.boba (my little sister chose that name).